Heart's-ease is my favourite flower

I'm tired of life. Fuck this routine and to hell with everything else that I'm facing right now. Be it insecurities or fear, I hate all these feelings embroiled within me. Deep down I remind myself everyday morning not to commit the same mistakes, not to be self centered. Somehow I let the anger get better of me and I do the same mistake again. Fuck this, fuck everything.

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You win some, you lose some. Things don’t always work out the way they are supposed to. I guess if its meant to be, things will always find a way. And even if it doesn’t, you will always have my heart.

Once again I question myself how we'll make it out of this. But once again the only answer seems to be having faith and believing it'll all work out in the end. I'm happy I met you and this fact would never change. You changed my whole life. I am not and will not give up.

"Sometimes I think we waste our words and we waste our moments, and we don’t take the time to say the things that are in our hearts when we have the chance."

— One Tree Hill

Band has been occupying the most part of my holiday I guess, with SL responsibilities to settle and everything else. I haven't been fully staying for sectionals, I have loads to buck up on I guess. I hope with all my might we really do well for SIBF, I love RJCSB <3 Other than band, have been staying around in school studying and stuff like that. Nevertheless it can be semi-productive or not productive at all. Oh well. I aimed to complete my studying by end of week 3 but it seems like I haven't finished anything at all. This is bugging me a real lot because of lots of stress to do well, both to convince my parents and reassure myself. Its like I don't feel any cent worth in the school with everyone else not in my league literally. Even if I'm not done studying by end of week 3, nevertheless Week 4's plans shall remained unchanged. I need it badly. I miss it real bad.

School stuff aside, I gotta set aside time to buy presents. And meet sharon the vainpot? You sound so stressed, dont be ok. Hang in there! We will get through all this :) Ah presents! I have no idea what to buy yet... not really. And I need to buy lots of dresses. I want the topshop dress even though I can't afford it but still oh man. My finger is internally bleeding. My thumb. From plucking the high F sharp in Machu Picchu ahahaha. Listening to A Tempo recordings now, it shall probably be my playlist for I don't know how long. It just can't get out of my head, I'm so amazed by what my batch and the J2s have achieved for the concert, it's really amazing. (Y)

Studying tomorrow again! Yay. Lets achieve this together (: